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Coming back swinging!

16 Jan

“Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.” 
Theodore Roosevelt

Returning stateside back in September was a very bittersweet moment for me. While it felt amazing being near my family again, I struggled with the fact that I had left China during a bad bout of homesickness, instead of giving it some time. The truth is I have held on to that feeling of regret ever since, causing me to face feelings I had never come up against before. I have never been one to hang on to regret, and I don’t like admitting that I let it get the best of me these past few months.

Instead of savoring my time with loved ones, I looked for ways to distract myself, and they weren’t always healthy. I spent so much time wishing that the clock would fast forward so that I could leave again. It did just that. Time rushed right past me, even though I yelled out for it to stop, because all of a sudden I wasn’t ready. My impatience was replaced by moments of panic, doubt, and the incessant “what if” scenarios that were increasingly becoming more frequent the closer my intended departure date got. I was, am, scared. Honestly, if it wasn’t for my family and friends, my mom especially, encouraging me and assuring me that everything will be alright, I may have let fear paralyze me and hold me prisoner in a world of “what ifs”.

I am tired of that nagging voice of doubt telling me that if it didn’t work out last time, then it won’t work out this time around. Regardless of what happens, I would rather fail than not try at all, simply because I fear things won’t work out the way I planned. But that’s life. We get not guarantees or warranties, we just have to throw ourselves out there and see what happens. The alternative, watching life from the sidelines, while that voice deep down in all of us asks, “what if….”.

True, my travel plans look nothing like they did a couple of months ago, but we have to learn to go with the flow and stop resisting ourselves and the universe. Believe me, I am the queen of resistance, and all it has brought me is unnecessary pain and suffering. But, at least for now, I am done fighting and am excited to see where I end up next. It’s sure to be an exciting surprise!

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Count down

5 Feb

“To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest.” ~Pema Chodron

At the moment I am going through a bit of a rough patch, which makes this all feel so much more overwhelming. I have so much left to do, and unfortunately it doesn’t feel like the program I am going through is very supportive while we are still here in the states. Luckily, I have found that one of the girls in the same program is actually friends with a good friend of mine, so it has been great connecting with her, and we are helping each other prepare for this adventure.

So, there is 27 days left of work, 30 days until I catch my flight, and 32 days until I am finally in Cambodia. I am so excited/nervous/restless to finally get there. I have all of my shots taken care of (my arms are so sore!), I’ll be purchasing my plane ticket this week, and this Saturday is my big fundraising party. Although I just want to skip all of this and get there already, I know that it will all pass by in a blur.

Almost there!

So much love.

23 Jan

I’ve always seen myself as a quiet, keep to herself kind of gal , who doesn’t mingle much outside of her family.  It’s on days like these that I realize that is no longer true, because somehow over the past few years I’ve come in to contact with some great people who I now have the pleasure to call my friends.

I’ve really been thinking about this over the past few weeks because when I set up a fundraiser for my trip, I honestly didn’t hope to expect much financial support, because I realize that my friends have to take care of their own financial concerns, families, etc. Which is why I’ve been overwhelmingly surprised at the amount of kindness they have all showed me.

I know now that I’ve come a long way from the person I was, and am so lucky to have such good, caring, and wonderful people in my life. I am forever grateful.

Link

The Playground

16 Jan

Today, I stumbled upon a recommendation for The Playground by Terrence M. McCoy and while it was a very easy read, it was an extremely powerful piece of writing.

I’ve read up on Cambodia’s past and the Khmer Rouge, but was brought to believe by different travel sites that Cambodia is flourishing. And now I have a better understanding of why that might be (I’ll give you a hint. China.). I’ve heard stories of corruption by those who have visited the country but nobody could give me any specific examples, other than the government only cares about making money. What’s new?

Anyway, I don’t want this to turn into a political article, it’s just that this book got me thinking about the things people in power do.

I strongly recommend The Playground, and like I mentioned it is a very easy and quick read, but worth the time. (http://www.amazon.com/The-Playground-Kindle-Single-ebook/dp/B007X6SF56/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1358360589&sr=1-1&keywords=the+playground)

Cheers!

 

 

 

P.s. Here is a video that goes along with this book quite well.

Enjoying the now.

14 Jan

I, like many others, have a hard time living in the “now” and just enjoying the present moment. Instead, I tend to focus on what happens next. So, naturally I am already skipping ahead a couple of months, and thinking about my trip to Cambodia, but what really stopped me in my tracks was when I started thinking about the trips I should take, once I’m there. Now, I don’t even live there yet and here I am researching other places I should travel to. I know it’s good to plan and have dreams, but I think maybe there is a line to draw at some point, otherwise we’ll find ourselves stuck in the dreams and plans in our heads, instead of enjoying the real moments surrounding us.

Just a bit of Monday morning ramblings to think about.

Doubts

20 Dec

Happy holidays everyone! I can’t believe Christmas is just next week.

So, it is still a few months away from my Cambodian adventure, but I faced a situation today that I did not know how to handle exactly about my travel plans. A co-worker I’ve known for the past couple of years is very motherly toward me, and I know she did not really like the idea of little old me in big scary Cambodia, but she never said much more than that until today. She seemed genuinely upset that I was sticking to my plans, and kept going on about how dangerous it is, especially for a young female such as myself. I sat and listened to her until she finished and then let her know that I understood her concern, but I was still going to go through with my plans. She kept going on about it until I finally just had to turn around, and face my computer, because I had no idea how to quell her insecurities about something bad happening to me in a different country.

Have you ever faced a similar situation and how did you handle it? How do you explain to someone who doesn’t really have the urge to visit other countries?

Just a few thoughts of the day.

Cheers!

Link

Cambodia Plans

11 Dec

Hello there!

Here is my first attempt at a post. The link will take you to my fundraising page.

About six months ago, I decided that before beginning my next step in my education, I would do what I love most, and travel. I have always had a strong desire to volunteer or help in some way as I travel, and I now have an opportunity to do just that. I plan to attend a teaching certificate program in Cambodia this coming March, which will take me up to a month to complete. Afterwards, I receive a certification which will enable me to find a position teaching English. I hope to stay in Cambodia for at least six months. I have created this fundraiser to help me get by my first month or two until I can secure a teaching job over there.

If you have time, it would mean the world to me if you would visit this link.

Thank you! ❤

Cambodia Plans